Almost is Never Enough
by cgd1026
Summary: Puck and Quinn try to mend their relationship after seeing different sides of their break-up. POV story.
1. Pucks POV- Coming Home

All I think about is her. Her short blonde hair. Her big hazel eyes. Her perfect lips and incredible smile.

It's been two years since I've last seen her, or last spoken to her. We left things on good terms, deciding we would be better off as friends. She told me she loved me, but still couldn't trust me. Rightfully so, I've fucked up more times then I can remember. The thing about Quinn is that she knows what she wants and she takes no one's shit, including mine, so when she thought I cheated on her, I knew it was really over.

Truth is, I didn't cheat on her. Why would you cheat on someone you know you can't live without? I let her think that though, because if she still couldn't trust me, then she deserved to be with somebody she can. Here's what happened…

I went out to the bar after training, had a few beers with the guys, nothing special, nothing unusual. The bartender always had a thing for me. You know how they say, "Girls love a man in uniform", well that expression is true. Girls cannot resist a man in a uniform, especially my Air Force fatigues. Whenever I wear them, girls tend to sit really close to me, or playfully touch my arm, buy ME drinks. So when Quinn walked in, surprising me after class and saw the bartender try to make a pass at me, she grabbed my hand and pulled me out. I thought she was pulling me out because she saw that skank bartender try to molest my face, but when we got home and she started crying I knew it wasn't that.

She sat on her couch and I stood in front of her and when she said, "I can't do this anymore, Puck" I lost all strength in my legs and sat next to her. "I love you so much, but I just can't trust you." I think she knew that I didn't cheat on her, but it was probably tiring worrying that I was all the time. I grabbed her hand and kissed her. I kissed her with everything I had because I knew it would be the last time. Then I told her I loved her and left.

Truth is, I probably should've fought for her. Not probably, absolutely. I absolutely should have fought for her, because when you love someone as much as I love Quinn, you do anything to be with her. And now here I am, sitting at another damn Glee reunion, hoping that she shows up, even though she hasn't in a year.

"Get in loser! Before I pound you like a piece of meat." My body stands up without a thought, and before I know what is happening I'm walking toward a place that I know so well, the dumpsters. There are two kids fighting, one in a varsity jacket and some dweeb with glasses. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance, and that's why I make the decision to intervene. "What's going on here?" I grab the dweeb's shoulder, and stand tall in my Air Force dress uniform, facing the kid who appears to be on the football team.

"Nothing, man. Just having a little fun" Does this kid think I'm an idiot? He should only know that I was him four years ago, and that I've done this to almost two hundred kids. I step closer to the kid, with intention to intimidate him, "Listen, I've been in your shoes and I've done this countless times. Trust me when I say, it's not worth it. Leave the kid alone, and go read a book or something." The kid picks up his book bag and walks off, the dweeb is looking at his feet, afraid to look me in the eye. "You gotta learn to stick up for yourself. Join a club, make some friends that will have your back, alright?" I turn around to walk away, but that's when it happens. I slam into someone, heads collide hard and I reach out to catch her from falling back. But that's when I see the blonde hair, and the big eyes I haven't been able to get out of my head. She's here. And I'm speechless. Stunned. Just standing there like a fucking moron, still holding her arm. She notices all of this, I mean, she's known me since I was sixteen, we dated for three years and we have a kid together. She knows me better than I know myself, so she laughs and my heart beats faster. I let go of her arm, look at my shoes and laugh because if I look into her eyes, I know I'll do something or say something I'll regret.

"Wow Puckerman, that was weird to see." I look at her and smile. Her voice. God, how I've missed hearing her talk.

"How've you been, Quinn?" I try to avoid the small talk, because I don't want to admit that we're in that awkward stage, but it's impossible.

"I'm good, graduate next month-"

"-I know" I blurt out, because I don't want her to think I've forgotten, because I haven't. She just smiles and bites her lip. I wonder if she remembers how crazy that drives me.

"Well, we should get inside." She starts walking ahead and I put my hands in my pockets and follow her. We get outside the choir room and I grab her arm to stop her.

"Can we maybe talk later? I don't know get dinner and just talk about everything." I see her hesitation and it hurts, but she nods anyway and then walks inside. I know seeing me is hard and she is trying to hide it, and there's nothing I want more than to be able to not hurt her anymore.

Another glee recruitment. I swear this makes no sense, I feel like we're recruiting new members for this damn club every other month. Rachel finally stops talking and we decide to meet tomorrow and figure out a plan. I stay behind a few minutes to just catch my breath, because being in that room with Quinn is hard, but being in that room without Finn is even harder. I wish more than anything that I could ask him for advice, or to just play video games with him again. I'm standing in front of his plaque and I hear the clicking of heels. I know it is Quinn, because we said we'd talk, but I still haven't thought of what I want to say to her.

She stands next to me, her shoulder against my arm. It feels so familiar, last time this happened it was in front of Finn's jersey and I told her I loved her. I figure it'd lighten the mood to bring that up, "This feels familiar. Only last time it was in the sweaty locker room." She laughs; it's light and short.

"You wanted to talk?"

"Here?" This is not how or where I wanted to talk to her.

"Seems like as good a place as any."

Does it though? I sit down in one of the 12 chairs, but then I stand up because I realize I want to be able to look at her.

"I've been playing this moment in my head for a year, and now my mind is blank." She just smiles and looks at me. I see her eyes glance at my hair, which is longer than the buzz cut I had a couple years ago.

"You look good, Puck" And there's the small talk again.

"I don't want to do this, Quinn."

"Do what? Talk because you asked me-"

"No this; this small talk, these meaningless conversations. We dated for over three years, we love each other, loved each other…" She walks over to a chair and sits down.

"So then ask me whatever you need to ask me or tell me whatever you need to tell me." She sounds angry now. Which makes sense since we're not having a forced conversation. I sit next to her but face her, even though she is looking straight ahead.

"I just wanted you to know that I never cheated on you, well you know since high school. At the bar that night, I never cheated and never intended on it. You were the only person I wanted to kiss or have sex with or come home to. It never even crossed my mind." She doesn't say anything, so I figure I should just keep talking until she has something to say. "You said you didn't trust me, and I understood that because I didn't appreciate you in high school and it wasn't fair for you to be with someone you couldn't even trust. And that hurt me. It hurt me that you didn't trust me, but it was my own fault." My hand is in my hair now, it's messed up now, I'm sure. "I should have fought for you." I decided to stop rambling, give her a second to let everything sink in. I'm waiting for her to yell at me or slap me, instead she says,

"I trusted you, Puck." And now I'm confused. "I can't really explain it. I knew you didn't cheat on me that night, and I knew you wouldn't. I guess I was just tired of you not fighting for me." Shit. "I never heard you say that you had a girlfriend to those whores at the bar, and you were never really public with us, holding hands or anything like that. Instead of going out after work, I wanted you to want to come over and want to be with me, your girlfriend whom you haven't seen all day, but you didn't. You never did, and I just got tired of it. When I told you that 'I couldn't do this anymore' I did want you to fight for me, but you didn't."

"You're making it sound like I was ashamed of you." She shakes her head quickly.

"I don't doubt that you loved me, Puck. I know you did and I loved you too, so much. I just think you had a hard time showing that to the world, and to me."

Damnit. How can I fix this? My elbows are on my knees and my hands are in my hair and I'm breathing heavy. I'm furious. "So I wasn't a good boyfriend?"

"I didn't say-"

"I moved to fucking New Haven, begged my boss to put me in Connecticut. I never missed an anniversary or a birthday. I slept in your apartment every night and left you alone when you needed to study. I brought you flowers when you were stressed with finals. I made you breakfast before classes. I hung out with all your obnoxious, preppy Yale friends. What else did you want me to do?" She is silent for a while and I can't take it anymore. I stand up and leave the choir room. There's nothing worse than not feeling good enough and if this were high school, everything she was saying would be true. Yeah maybe I didn't come straight to her every single night, but that doesn't mean I wasn't a good boyfriend or didn't treat her well.

I'm outside the school now, sitting on the steps. I need the fresh air, because I suddenly feel like I'm suffocating. I loosen my tie and take off my jacket. The door opens aggressively and Quinn is out of breath. She must have been running after me and when she sees me sitting here, she looks relieved. She sits next to me and links our arms. She puts her head on my shoulder and I suddenly feel this weird calm, I haven't felt in years.

"I'm sorry." That's all she says. I'm not sure if she's sorry for breaking up with me, or sorry for the things she just said. There are a lot of things we both could be sorry for, I guess.


	2. Quinns POV- The Truth

All I've been able to think about is Puck. His short, buzzed hair. His beautiful eyes that were sometimes brown, sometimes hazel. His smirk that he saved just for me. And now here we are, sitting in front of McKinley High, my head on his shoulder and arm wrapped around his. We're so close together, but still so far apart.

Seeing Puck again is a lot harder than I thought. The thing you don't realize happens when you break-up with someone you love is that not only do you lose your significant other, but you lose your best friend. It's as if they have died, or moved far, far away. You never call each other, never text or email, simply because it is just too damn hard. So why break-up? Why break-up with someone when you know how much you are going to struggle without them? How hurt you will become, how lost.

It's hard to explain it, but being this close to him again, it feels like I can finally breathe. Breaking up with Puck was the stupidest and hardest thing I have ever done, mostly because Puck doesn't even know the half of it. I want to tell him everything, but I know how mad he'll be, how hurt or confused, but I have to because maybe I'll be able to breathe again.

"I lied earlier" I lift my head off his shoulder and sit up straight. "Well, mostly lied, some of it was true." He unwraps his arm from mine, and I suddenly feel really vulnerable, something I refuse to feel or show to anyone. I take a deep breath and yeah, it is still hard to breathe. "You know what, forget it."

"Quinn, what's going on?" He looks at me concerned, and confused.

"Can we go somewhere?" I stand up and wipe my palms on my navy blue dress. He sees this and grabs my hand. He leads me to his car and starts driving, not a word exchanged.

We end up at his house, there are no cars in the driveway, so I'm assuming his mother is at work and sister is at soccer practice, although it's been two years, does Sarah still play soccer? His room smells the same, looks the same. He finally took down his Sports Illustrated posters, which makes me smile. He sits on the bed and pats the spot next to him. I sit down and it all comes flooding back, last time I was here in this room, on this bed. I came home from taking my finals to hear he was flirting with Blaine's mom at Brittany and Santana's wedding. I barged into his bedroom and gave him a piece of my mind, yelling and screaming and hitting his chest and he grabbed my hands and pulled me close and kissed me aggressively. It had been in that moment that I'd realized I hadn't seen him in six months. He realized it too because shortly after he kissed me we were fucking on the bed, and all was forgotten. I slip my heels off and cross my legs, preparing myself for what comes next, which will not result in fucking.

"Okay, so you know how I was interning, and spending late nights at the theater cleaning up and prepping for the next days shows?" He nods, although I don't really think he remembers or even knew that I had an internship. "Well, there was another intern, a guy," He tenses up and pulls away from me, as if he knows what is coming. "He liked me a lot, and he made it known. He asked me out once, but I told him I had a boyfriend. This was like the first week, but he understood and respected that. But he still flirted, playfully and I kinda flirted back" I start playing with my hands because I do that when I'm nervous. "I tried telling you, but I think it went over your head, or you just weren't paying attention. The day when I came into the bar and dragged you out well, he kissed me." I hear Puck breathe loudly through his nostrils and if I dared to look at him, I know his jaw would be clenched. "It lasted two seconds before I pushed him away and left. I went to the bar in hopes to get a shot of tequila and go home and tell you everything, but then I saw you." He lay back on his bed, his hands are over his eyes. "And that's when it all hit me, that you should have some kind of clue as to what is going on at my work, and I shouldn't want to flirt with someone else. The kiss was lame and meant nothing, I felt absolutely nothing, but I realized that we stopped caring and being interested in each other's lives." He doesn't say anything and I don't really expect him to. I know he is waiting until he thinks of the perfect thing to say that will really hurt me, just like I hurt him.

"You're right." I finally look at him, because I'm so shocked at what came out of his mouth. "I remember you telling me all this, but being too tired to actually register it. I didn't really put much effort into asking about your day, or inviting you out with me after work" My eyes are becoming glassy, so I blink away the unshed tears until I can see clearly again. "But I never kissed anyone, Quinn, or let anyone kiss me."

"I know." That's all I can say, because he's right, he didn't, but I really don't think he gets it. "I kissed this kid for two seconds, and you had no idea that this kid even existed, don't you see something wrong with that?" I'm mad now, because he just doesn't get it. "What you are remembering right now about us, is some kind of fairytale you created. You really don't see just how distant we were. How we would come home from school and work and sleep, and on the weekends you would go to the gym or to the bar and I'd go to the library or out with my theater friends. We made no time for each other, not for conversation, for dates, for hanging out, talking, nothing. It was like that for the last couple of months, but you didn't see it, how upset and stressed I was, how we were worlds apart." I stand up and slip my heels back on. "I may have let some other guy kiss me, but you were too blind to even notice or care about what was going on around you" I stand up ready to leave, it feels wrong being here. "I should probably go." My arms are crossed and I'm looking everywhere but at him. He doesn't ask me to stay, so I take that as me cue to go. He'll talk to me when he's ready; I guess we have all summer.


	3. Pucks POV- Answers

I let her leave. I had to, I am too pissed off and I didn't want to say something I'd regret. So now I'm lying here, replaying the last few months of our relationship in my head, but everything is so blurry. Either it's just been too long and I can't remember, or Quinn was right and there really isn't much there to remember.

Since I can't seem to remember the last couple months, my brain reminds me of the first couple of months, when we were so happy my younger self would have beaten my older self up. I've never been in a relationship like the one I had with Quinn, where I would always want to be with her, or always wonder what she was doing, was always thinking about her. I worried about her constantly and wanted nothing more than to make her happy. We were always together, no matter what, because not being with her wasn't nearly as fun or exciting as being with her.

I'm trying to think of where it all went wrong, where we fucked up our relationship. Since this is all news to me, the fact that our relationship wasn't what I thought it was, it's probably easier to go to her house tomorrow and ask her. The more serious question is, what now? I don't know what she wants, hell I don't even know what I want. What I do know is that I was the happiest when she was a part of my life, so even if she doesn't want to be with me, I have to at least try to be her friend.

I can't wait until tomorrow; I have to see her now. My mind is racing and I'm pacing around my room like an idiot. I grab my keys and drive over to Quinn's. I need answers.

I'm knocking on her door, praying that Judy isn't home. I'm not in the mood for that awkward conversation. The door opens and it's Quinn, I sigh of relief. She opens the door wide, as if she's been expecting me and I walk inside.

Her house is still huge, triple the size of my shoebox of a house. She walks me to her kitchen and I sit on a stool, out of habit, and she stands across the tall countertop.

"Do you want anything? Water? Sprite?" She takes a bottle of water out for herself.

"I'm good, thanks." We sit in silence for a while, it's not awkward at all, we're both just waiting for the other person to speak first. "When did things start getting bad for us? Why didn't you tell me you were unhappy? I could've fixed my behavior if I had known." I sound desperate; I know I do, mostly because I am. It sickens me that I ever made Quinn so unhappy and I need to know how to never to that again.

"I honestly don't know, one day we were fine and then we weren't"

"There has to be a specific moment that you remember."

"I remember you came home drunk off your ass one night. You didn't answer my calls or texts the entire night and I had no idea where you were. Then you stumbled into my apartment and wanted to have sex, which I obviously shot down. Then you got sick for hours and I took care of you and in the morning you were mad at me because I didn't wake you up for work." She takes a sip of her water and I feel like slamming my head into this counter because I do remember that, and it was a dick thing to do. "Then after that, you were drinking more and hanging out with the guys more. I think that's when we both started drifting because I didn't want to be around you like that, and you wanted to go out and party with your friends."

"That makes sense." I play around with my keys and she nods. I'm at a loss for words, I have no idea what to say, so I blurt out the only thing I really want to know. "So what now?" I immediately feel stupid for saying it. This isn't me, I'm Noah Puckerman, I bang chicks like I get paid for it and I don't let anyone tell me what to do. I'm a free man; I've always been, except when it comes to Quinn. She's my kryptonite and I don't foresee that changing, anytime soon, maybe not ever.

"I don't know, Puck. Everything seems so much more complicated now."

"How is it complicated? I love you, shouldn't that be enough?" I'm staring at her now and she looks defeated. Her features are soft and she bites her lip trying to hide a smile.

"Are you sure you love me Puck? Are you sure you don't just love the idea of me?" I stand up and I know my face is showing how offended I am.

"How could you say that, Quinn? I don't love you out of habit."

"How could you be so sure?" She's getting defensive and it seems like she still doesn't trust me. So I have to prove it to her. I do the only thing that I think will work, I walk over to her, and I stand extremely close. I'm almost a full head taller than her so she has to look up at me. My heart is beating so fast and hard I wonder if she hears it. I back her into the counter and she doesn't stop me, that's a good sign at least. I feel her breath on my neck and I lean down, grab her face and catch her lips with mine. This isn't a slow, quick, amateur kiss, our mouths open immediately and I'm waiting for her to push me away, but she doesn't. Instead she clutches my black t-shirt and pulls me closer; a low moan escapes her throat as she pushes her body harder against mine. I slip my tongue into her mouth and move it against hers slowly, tasting it and feeling the warm wetness of it as it begins to dual with mine. We're breathing deeply into each other's mouths, unable to resist this kiss, but preparing for it to possibly be my last. I slowly pull away, but I already miss kissing her. Her eyes are still closed and we're both still catching our breaths. There is no way to describe that kiss; it was indescribable. I felt tingles from the back of my neck down to my toes and I know she felt it too. She had to have.

"Tell me you didn't feel anything." I whisper close to her lips, because neither of us has moved and she still hasn't looked me in the eye. I put my finger under her chin and lift it so I can finally look at her, try to see what she is thinking. She looks at me for a few seconds and then closes her eyes and just breathes. She seems nervous, a little reluctant. Maybe she's scared, scared to give us another shot, scared I'll hurt her again, scared of us. I didn't fight for her two years ago, and I'll be damned if I don't fight for her now.


	4. Quinns POV- Celebrating

Asking me if I felt anything is like asking me if I breathe. Obviously I felt something, this isn't some random person at a bar; this is the guy I've loved since I was sixteen. If I'm being honest with myself, I'm scared. I'm terrified of letting Puck in again, not just because of the fear of it not working out, but I'm afraid I'll mess up again. It took me five months and six random hook-ups to get over Puck. I don't know if I'm ready to put myself out there again, trust him and myself, worry and care about someone so much it hurts. Looking at him now, so hopeful and pleading, I just don't know what to do. What I do know is that I can't lie to him again, that will only make things worse.

"Of course I felt something, Puck" He smiles so wide and my heart aches. He presses his lips to mine again, but this time I back away, quickly. His eyebrows are furrowed and it seems like he's trying to figure out what it is that I want and by the look on his face he doesn't think it's in his favor. I put my hand on his face and stroke is defined jaw line. He looks at the floor, trying to hide his sadness.

"I'm scared." I whisper, because I feel a lump in my throat that is trying to force it's way out in sobs. He moves a strand of my hair behind my ear and then pulls me into a hug. My arms wrap tightly around his waist and his arms are around my neck. I can feel his chin resting on top of my head and I rest my face against his strong chest. I'm holding on to him for dear life because I can't imagine losing him again, but I also don't think I'm ready for us, just yet.

"You're the most important person in my life. If you don't want to give us another go, I'm gonna respect that." A few tears escape my eyes; I use his shirt to dry my cheeks. "But get used to seeing me around, because I'm not going anywhere." I smile, although he doesn't see it and then I lean up on my tippy toes and peck his lips. Even though I'm not ready to be a couple, it doesn't mean I don't constantly crave his touch or his kisses. He looks at me, grabs my hand and squeezes it. Then he's gone and I'm left with my lips burning and my heart aching.

It's a new day, and I'm getting myself ready to head over to McKinley. To most people, they would find it weird that we are all constantly going back to that school. The school that I couldn't wait to get away from, but the glee club, well they're my family. They have been there for me throughout every difficult part of my life; When I was pregnant, when I was kicked out of my house, when my dark days came back to haunt me, when Shelby brought Beth back, when I was in my accident. Going back and helping this club, that helped me become the person I am today, that's the least I could do.

We're all back in the auditorium and what we all thought was going to be another recruitment turned out to be an announcement that made everyone in the room cry.

"McKinley High is now McKinley High School for the Arts" Mr. Schuester announces and laughs. We all stand up and hug one another. Rachel is crying, Mercedes is crying, even I brush away a tear. I see Puck across the room next to Mike, who can't seem to keep his eyes off of Finn's plaque.

Losing Finn was devastating for everyone. I couldn't even bring myself to stay longer than the funeral. I know Puck still carries the guilt, for what we did back when we were sixteen, even though what we did was the best thing that happened to Finn. Finn found Rachel, and they were meant to be together. I walk over to Puck, who is brought out of his daze. He smiles at me, although it doesn't reach his eyes.

Everyone is celebrating; drinking champagne and taking shots, because we're all legal now, which is weird to think about. Santana and Brittany come running over to me, I'm sitting on the stage, my legs dangling off, observing everyone and remembering when we used to all perform together.

"We're going out after this, you coming?" Santana and Britt sit next to me, one on either side of me. I missed these girls; they've always been brutally honest with me and had my back even when they didn't agree with me.

"Where to exactly?" Brittany hops off the stage, I'll never get over her contagious energy and constant state of happiness.

"The Spot, next to Breadstix" She runs off to Sam and Puck, leaving Santana and I alone. Santana was my first friend at McKinley. We hated each other, but loved each other, so I'm not surprised when she knows something is off with me.

"Spill it, Fabray." I just shrug and look off at Mr. Schue and his son, how happy they are. "You're not acting like your fun, sassy self so either you spill or I'll force it out of you." I just sigh because she's right; I haven't been acting like myself. It's just hard talking about it, especially since I haven't told anyone about any of it.

"Puck and I broke up two years ago." By the lack of shock and surprise on her face, I'm assuming she already knew that. "But I'm assuming you already knew that…" She nods.

"Puck told me a few months after it happened." Puck and Santana have always been close. Puck has always had a soft spot for Santana, a sort of brother-sister relationship, even though they used to hook-up. So I tell Santana a quick version of everything and when I tell her I let another guy kiss me she nudged me off the stage. Tough love, I needed that. "So what are you guys just friends now?" I shrug because I really don't know what we are, neither of us do. "Well, come out with us, we're all going. Have some drinks and relax, have some fun!" She's right, since I've been home I have been tense and stressed and crying. I need to let loose and dance with my friends, so I go.

Puck goes too, I guess I expected it when Santana said, "we're all going". All the girls have two shots of tequila and shooters that were being passed around by Sam. It's safe to say I'm sufficiently buzzed, so I try to stay away from Puck because Lord only knows what I'll say now that I've got a few drinks in me.

Brittany runs over and grabs my arm and pulls me onto the dance floor with Mercedes, Santana, Sam and Blaine. At this point, I think most of the girls and gays are drunk and as the night prolongs, I'm drunk. People usually tell me they know I'm drunk when I dance my ass off, I'm apparently "unstoppable". I whip my head quickly, throw my short hair around, it's a fun time from what I've heard. And now that I'm aware of that, I know that right now, I am drunk. We're mushed together; the club is packed so there isn't much room to not bump into someone. I feel someone grab my ass and turn around to see some creep trying to pull me in to dance with him. I shake my head 'no' at him, but he doesn't stop his actions, so I shove him. He doesn't look happy and before he can say anything Puck is in front of me, blocking me off me like a bodyguard and punching him in the face.


	5. Pucks POV- I Miss You

I grab Quinn's hand and lead her out of the club. She follows; I think she's too drunk to even object. The club is really hot and extremely loud so when we finally make it outside, the fresh air hits me like a brick and suddenly I am completely sober. I'm still holding on to Quinn's hand and I start walking us to her house, which is at least twelve blocks away. She hasn't said anything and I don't know if I want her to say anything, she's drunk and whatever she says will probably be aggressive and nasty and I'm really not in the mood.

We get past about five blocks when she stops me and pulls me to face her. She looks drunk, but not shit faced. Her hair is a mess and she has mascara underneath her eyes. She has a glimmer of sweat on the top of her hairline, but she still looks absolutely beautiful. She grabs my face and pulls me down slightly; now that she's wearing heels we're almost the same height.

She covers my lips with her own in a slow and passionate kiss. For a few moments we're completely lost in what feels like absolute perfection. She pulls away abruptly and mumbles, "Thank you" against my lips. Her arms are still around my neck and I want nothing more than to lift her up, carry her home and get lost in the sheets, but we're not ready for that, not yet. She runs her hands down my neck to my chest and around my belt loops. She brings her body close to mine, her lips brushing against mine and then she pulls away and starts walking again. I feel an ache in my pants and damnit I'm hard. I'm thinking of cold showers and dudes making out to calm myself down, but nothing seems to be working. I trail behind her to hide my shame.

We finally make it to her house and I decide it's better not to walk her inside. She's drunk and I don't want to do anything she may regret in the morning. We get to her porch; she unlocks her door and steps a foot inside of her house.

"Goodnight, Quinn." She turns around and walks over to me, she hugs me and kisses my cheek.

"Goodnight." And she walks inside.

I take the long way home because the air feels good and it's helping me clear my head. I know Quinn was a little drunk tonight, but she is fucking with my head. She implied that she didn't want to be together, yet she kissed me twice, three times if you include kissing me back in her kitchen.

I finally make it to my house and I go straight to my room. I lay in my bed, my thoughts keeping me awake. What do I do?

I wake up early the next morning and go for a run. Working out as always helped me release my anger and tension. While running I find myself in front of Quinn's house, I walk up onto her porch and ring the bell. I can always just say I was just checking up on her, I'm sure she's having a rough morning.

Before I can even give it a thought there she is, Judy Fabray. She's never liked me, although Quinn tells me that is a lie. If she likes me, I'm afraid to see what she is like to the people she hates.

"Noah, what a surprise!" I smile because I don't know if I'm supposed to put out my hand for a handshake or embrace her in an awkward hug. "Come in, come in."

"How are you, Ms. Fabray?"

"Shoes off. Just fine, how are you? Quinnie didn't tell me you were home." I take off my shoes and follow Judy into the kitchen.

"I'm great, home for a little while. Just relaxing before my next deployment." She starts putting up a pot of coffee and the silence is deafening. "So is Quinn home?"

"Oh yes, yes she's upstairs I'll send her down after I make my coffee." I sit in my usual stool and she pours her coffee into a mug. She doesn't offer me any, not to my surprise, and disappears upstairs. I hear mumbling coming from above.

"Yes, he is downstairs." "No I will not, you go and tell him" "I do not care, get yourself up it is 11 o'clock." And then I hear footsteps coming downstairs and into the kitchen and there she is. Wearing a hoodie and shorts, makeup everywhere and hair thrown in a sloppy ponytail. She goes straight for the coffee mug and pours herself a cup of coffee. "Want?"

"I'm good" She walks over to the tall countertop and hunches over, mug in both hands.

"What are you doing here?" She doesn't seem mad, just curious.

"You look like shit." She snorts and puts a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Well I feel like shit so makes sense." I'm smiling like a five year old because I miss this. This is how things used to be, only I'd have slept in her bed and we'd both wake up hung-over. She'd make the coffee and I'd make the pancakes.

"I miss you" Shit. I didn't mean for that to come out, but it's too late to take it back. I bury my face in my hands and grunt. I hear her put down her mug and I uncover my face. She lightly laughs and grabs my hand from across the counter and smiles.

"I miss you, too." And then she releases my hand and I'd do anything to hold it again. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night. It's a little blurry, but I know I kissed you and God only knows what I said-"

"-You said 'thank you'. That's it"

"Thank Jesus" I laugh because she is so relieved and I only wish she would have actually said something so that we could've talked about it and maybe I could get some answers.

"And it's okay." She looks at me slightly confused, "the kiss…" She nods. "You can kiss me any time, day or night. My lips are at your service," She laughs loudly and so do I. It's nice that we can joke about our situation, otherwise this could have been really awkward. "You can even kiss me right now if you'd like." I lean over the counter, knowing that she won't, but it's fun to tease her about it.

"Maybe some other time" She puts her hand over my face and pushes it back. "So back to my original question, what are you doing here? Did you need something?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay, I was out for a run this morning and passed by your house. I wanted to check in."

"Yeah, I'm okay, just a pounding head ache. Nothing a little coffee can't fix" She takes another sip. "Thank you again for last night. Punching that guy and walking me home."

"Please, it was nothing."

"Seriously. Thank you. I was drunk, who knows what could have happen. I really appreciate it. I hope I didn't ruin your night."

"You made my night actually." I'm not going to hide the way I feel about her. She needs to know that I'm all in and that I'll fight for her until I die. She looks me in the eye and she looks sad. I know this is killing her and I don't know why she is fighting the way she feels. But Quinn is stubborn and like I've said, she knows what she wants. So I can't force her to do anything, she has to decide when she's ready. "Well, I'm gonna go. I have to pick Sarah up from soccer." I stand up and walk to the door. I slip my shoes on and she hovers behind me. "Feel better."


	6. Quinns POV- Humiliated

I call Rachel and ask her if she wants to grab lunch at Breadstix. Breadstix is like Lima's Olive Garden, it's the go to place for a decent meal, not too fancy, not too casual. Rachel has always been a fan of Puck and me; she always rooted for us to be together even when no one else did, even when I was too blind to see it. I decided to fill her in on the situation, because even though I love Santana, she can be a bit judgmental and harsh when it comes to giving advice.

"Why'd you break up with him if that's not what you wanted though?" I swirl my straw around in my glass of water and shrug.

"I wanted him to fight for me and when he didn't I knew we didn't deserve each other." Rachel doesn't seem like she understands me at all. "I know you don't get it Rachel, but if you love someone you should want to do anything to make it work. When I told him 'I can't do this anymore' he said absolutely nothing. He didn't protest, didn't argue, nothing." I take a sip of my water, "Makes you really think if he ever even wanted to be with me."

"Come on, Puck loves you." I shake my head and roll my eyes because loving someone sometimes isn't enough.

The waitress brings out our salads and we eat in a comfortable silence.

"Do you want to be with Puck again?" She throws the question out so casually and I finish chewing.

"I honestly don't know. I feel like there is no one else in the world that I could ever be with. No one can put up with my shit, all my flaws. No one will ever understand me like he does. I probably will never love anyone like I love Puck, but the other half of me feels like he isn't ready for commitment and I don't want to put my heart out there again. If we're not both ready yet, then I don't want to like throw away our only chance. I'm so not about the break-up and get back together every other month bull shit." Rachel smiles and then suddenly looks confused. She's looking over my shoulder; her eyes are bulging slightly so I slowly turn my head to see what it is behind me that is so shocking.

And boom. There it is. That can't breathe feeling again. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of chest, my ears are ringing and I truly feel like I'm going to be sick. I'm pulled out of my sudden heartbreak when Rachel grabs my hand. I quickly turn back around to face her and she is trying to still my trembling hands.

"It's not what you think, I'm sure." I sink down into the booth and cover my face with my hands. "Quinn, that's Molly. You know Molly." I slam my hands on the table.

"I obviously do not know Molly or I wouldn't be so shocked to see her now would I?" I don't know why I'm giving Rachel such an attitude, but she just happens to be the only one here that I can scream at and take all of my anger out on.

"They work together, she's in the Air Force" I hear Puck's voice getting louder from behind me, which means he's coming closer and I want to die.

"Hey Noah" She smiles at him. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Hey Berry" I finally see the back of his flannel. "and Quinn!" He's shocked and has no idea what to say. He looks at Molly and then at me, this is just so painfully awkward I want to lift this knife off of the table and stab my eyes out. "This is Molly, we work together. Molly this is my- this is Quinn." She reaches her hand out to shake mine and I shake it just to be polite but I really want to get up, tackle her to the ground and rip her long brown hair out of her head.

I choke out a "Nice to meet you" and reach for my wallet to pay for my salad so I can get the fuck out of here. "I actually have to get going" I stand up and throw my jacket on. I look at him; he knows I'm angry and hurt. "Puck." I scoot past him. "It was nice meeting you, Molly. Rachel, I'll call you later" And I get the hell out of there as fast as I can.

I get home, put on my gym attire and go to the gym. The gym is a good place to get my anger out, instead of lashing out at Rachel.

I run on the treadmill, I run for forty minutes. I'm sweating in places I didn't know were possible. There's a kick boxing class going on in the next room, so I go in and start doing that. It feels good, I feel good.

I walk home and I can't wait to crawl into my bed and sleep the day away. Then I see him, and I know that's going to be impossible now. He's sitting on my porch, flannel shirt and dark jeans, ugh he looks hot. I push that thought out of my mind immediately. I'm just not in the mood today; I'm too exhausted and angry to argue with him. I start walking up the steps and he stands up.

"I'm not in the mood right now, Puck" I really don't have the right to be angry with him, but I am. He told me he wasn't going anywhere, which I imply that he's going to wait for me. I was stupid. I feel really, really fucking stupid. I unlock my door and get inside and begin to close it, but Puck stops it and I sigh, loudly. He grabs my arm and I yank it away, I didn't intend to be so aggressive and furious but I guess my body can't help it.

"Quinn, please." His eyes are pleading and I can't look at him so I start walking to my room, if he's following me I have no idea. I get into my room and go to the bathroom and start the shower, as I'm walking out I walk right into Puck.

"Why are you still here?" He goes into my bathroom and turns off the shower. Great, now he wants to talk. In this moment, I'm kinda missing the days when he would just walk away and leave me alone when I was mad or upset. Now he's like a tick that won't get out from under my skin. I'm standing across from him; he's sitting on my bed, which is unmade. "I don't want to talk about it, what you do with your life and who you date is none of my business anymore."

"Don't say that." He grunts and runs his fingers through his hair, an action that means he's aggravated. "And I'm not dating her, she got relocated to Ohio and doesn't know anyone so I was just showing her around and being a friend." I roll my eyes because it's such bullshit.

"So then how does Rachel know her? Bring her home often?" He doesn't answer so I just continue my rant, "Okay, so you're saying that you never hooked up with her?" He doesn't say anything just shakes his head in aggravation. "You never slept with that gorgeous, tall, Latina woman." He still doesn't say anything. "You did. I know you did, and I know this because, unfortunately, I know you better than I know myself." He stands up and hits the lamp off my desk with his hand and I jump at this and it makes me even angrier. Who does he think he is barging into my house and getting mad at me? "You still fucking her?" He storms toward me and grabs both my wrists and I'm not backing down because I am not in the wrong here, he is. He's led me to believe that he wanted to be with me and flirted with me and made a point to constantly come over. I'm so fucking humiliated.

His jaw is clenched and my wrists are actually starting to hurt so I yank them away and push him toward the door. He stumbles back and I continue to push him and hit his chest. He grabs my wrists again and pulls me against him. My chest is heaving with anger and I'm breathing like I would if I just ran a 5K. He looks deep into my eyes and then at my lips, so I know what's coming. "No, Puck." It doesn't sound convincing at all. He puts his hand behind my head and grabs a fist full of my hair and crashes his lips to mine. After about a minute I push him off of me and against the door and I slap him. I can see my handprint imprinted on his face. He puts his hand to his cheek and walks toward me, I back away from him until my knees hit the bed and I fall onto it. He crawls on top of me, hovering above me, his face inches away from mine. Fuck it. I grab his face and pull him down into a searing kiss. There's a lot of biting-his lips, my neck, my underwear that is now around my ankles. I sit up and undo his belt, he takes over and pushes me back down. He kisses his way back up to my lips and my body is buzzing. I spread my legs and wait for him to enter, but he pulls back slightly and looks into my eyes, waiting for my approval. I reach between us and guide him inside of me and I can't even try to swallow my moan. I haven't felt so amazing, so full, in such a long time. He stills himself, allowing me a second to adjust, and then he starts. I'm clawing at his back and sinking deeper and deeper into the bed. He's sucking on my neck, and I know I'm going to have so many marks tomorrow. But I don't care, because right now everything feels too good to stop. My head is tilted back so far I'm afraid it's going to snap and he's pounding into me harder with every thrust. My back begins to arch like a stretched bow and I cry out my release, clutching onto Puck for dear life. Seconds later Puck is grunting into my neck, and I'm just realizing he didn't put on a condom. Thank God for birth control.

He's lying on top of me, he's probably crushing me, but it feels good to be this close again. As I'm finally able to breathe evenly, I remember why he's here and hate myself for letting this happen, for being so weak. I push him off of me, stand up and grab my clothes. I go into the bathroom and start the shower that I intended to take when I got home. I walk to the doorway of the bathroom and look at Puck who is dressing himself, "Please be gone when I get out." And I slam the door closed.


	7. Pucks POV- Fate & a Date

If she thinks I'm gonna be gone by the time she gets out, then she really doesn't know me like she claims to. It's so frustrating, that she won't listen to me. Just take ten seconds for me to explain, but she wouldn't be Quinn if she weren't stubborn.

The shower turns off and suddenly, I'm nervous. The door opens and she makes eye contact with me, and it is evident that she is not surprised at all that I am still here. She's wrapped in a towel and her hair is wet and gathered to the side of her shoulder. She sits down next to me. I steal a glance at her and she isn't looking at me. Good, that makes me less nervous.

"You're right, I did have sex with Molly." She doesn't speak; she doesn't flinch. Thank God she's going to finally let me fucking talk. "It was like six months after us, it happened one time when we were drunk and after we did it, I started fucking crying." Now she looks at me, half smirk, half confused, "She was the first person I had sex with after you, I was hammered it just all came out." She laughs and so do I. "I told her everything, she told me I was a dumbass for walking out and that was the end of hooking up. I couldn't after that, I didn't even fucking want to." I study her face, but I can't tell what she's feeling, typical. She is the best at hiding her emotions. "We're just friends, that's it. I promise."

"Okay." I let out a deep breath I didn't even realize I was holding in. She stands up and puts clothes on, completely avoiding the fact that I'm still here, but hey, I don't mind at all.

"So are we gonna talk about what just happened?" She's dressed in yoga pants, my favorite, and her red alumni Cheerios shirt. She leans against her dresser.

"I'm sorry I slapped you." I laugh because she seems pretty serious, and it looks like she felt guilty for doing it.

"Was that okay? Do you regret it?" I ask because the way she stormed off, she seemed really angry and I'm having flashbacks to sophomore year. She gives me a closed mouth smile and walks over to sit on the bed. She puts her hand on my cheek,

"No, I don't regret it." She smiles again and so do I because this has to mean something, she may finally admit her feelings. "But you forgot…again." I look at her confused and start going through important dates in my mind. Did I miss a birthday? Is it a holiday? "Puck, the condom" My eyes go wide because fuck, what was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking, nothing. I was literally not thinking at all.

"Are you on the pill?"

"Yeah, but those aren't 100% effective" The fact that I'm not at all mad, or concerned is probably not a good sign.

"So what do you wanna do? Plan B?" It hurts to even say those words.

"I don't know, I mean are you ready for a kid?" She doesn't seem mad at my reaction, more like confused that I'm not mad.

"I was ready for Beth." And I didn't even think before I said it, because the look on Quinn's face is heart breaking. She looks betrayed, devastated, hurt and I know better than to throw Beth's name around like that. "I'm sorry" She just nods.

"I want to have a baby with you, Puck. Someday. We're 22 years old; I'm nowhere near ready for that yet." She grabs my hand, which I'm happy about because I think we both need some comfort. Talking about babies and pregnancy is different for us than it is for most. Senior year of high school was enough to show us all how broken Quinn was. Quinn deserves to be a mom when she's ready. She'll be a great mom and giving up Beth was enough to prove that. No matter how much I wanted her, she wouldn't have had a good life with us. Two broken families, Quinn kicked out of her house, both of us dirt broke. Beth deserved better. "How about we leave it to fate and then figure it out." I hug her because I know she needs it. I hate dredging up the past, a past that was so hard on both of us. We've been through so much, Quinn and I, but if I had to go through any of that, I'm happy it was with her. So, I get down on my knee and she looks at me extremely fearful. I take her hand and kiss the back of it.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, will you go out on a date with me?" She laughs and nudges me. I fall to the floor and laugh too. I stand up and she starts brushing her hair, "But seriously will you?" She snorts and puts her brush down.

"When? Where? What time? Damn Puckerman, you're a little rusty"

"Hey, leave me alone it's been awhile." She rolls her eyes and I can't wipe the smile off my face, it's as if it's painted on.

"Tomorrow night, Breadstix say 8 o'clock?"

"Okay." I'm shocked.

"Okay?"

"Leave before I change my mind." I pick up my jacket from the floor quickly and turn to walk out, but then I turn back and peck her on the lips and then run out the door.

I toss and turn all night; I'm excited, nervous, and anxious. I know it's dumb, I mean Quinn and I dated for over three years, we know everything about each other, we've basically lived together, yet, still nervous.

I wake up at the ass crack of dawn. It's mostly an Air Force thing, but I also can't stop thinking about tonight. I go for a run, like I do every morning. I run a couple miles and then I take Sarah to school. I make myself a bowl of oatmeal and glance at the time. It's only 11 in the morning and tonight can't come any sooner.

I get to Quinn's at exactly 8 o'clock. I don't care if I look to eager, I'm excited and I don't care if she knows it. I ring the bell and she answers right away. She must be excited too. As soon as I get a full look at her, my mind goes blank. She's wearing a black skirt, a little below the knee and a white short-sleeved crop top that shows a glimpse of her tan stomach. He hair is pulled back in a low ponytail and her bangs frame both sides of her face. She's wearing purple eye shadow that completely brings out the hazel in her eyes. She looks fucking amazing. "You look amazing" I hand her the flowers I picked up earlier; red roses, cliché, but safe.

"Thank you." She steps out and shuts the door behind her, "And you clean up nicely as well." I look down at what I'm wearing, because her beauty wiped any recent memory clean. Nothing special, a light grey dress shirt, black tie and black slacks.

The car ride there is pretty quiet, we both sing to the radio without even realizing it and it feels like old times instantly. People think silence is a bad thing, and find a need to fill it. The thing is, that isn't always the case. There is nothing better than a comfortable silence, and I have yet to find that with anyone except Quinn. We can sit in the same room for hours, and not say a word to each other, not because we want to but because we don't have to. I'll read the paper and she'll eat breakfast and we don't pollute the air with meaningless conversation, we just sit there and enjoy each other's company.

We walk arm in arm into Breadstix. I made a reservation because on a Friday night, this is the place to be; well at least it was in high school. We get seated right away, which is a relief and at this point we don't even need a menu, in fact I know what I'm getting and what Quinn's getting. So when the waiter comes over to ask what we want to drink we order everything at once. Then he walks away and it's just us, "So tell me everything I've missed these last few years." She thinks for a moment,

"Honestly, not much has happened. I got the lead in a play at school, that was pretty exciting."

"Oh yeah? What play?"

"Mamma Mia"

"Damn, I'm sad I missed it."

"Yeah, the next play I do, I do not want it to be a musical. You know how I feel about my voice."

"I hate when you say that"

"It's true though." Quinn put on a good act in high school. Everyone thought she was the self-assured, popular, beautiful ice queen, but in actuality, she is so insecure and sensitive.

"Babe, you have a beautiful voice" And I realize I just called her babe, out of habit I guess. I'm sure she noticed it, but she doesn't seem to mind. Instead she rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her water the waiter just brought to the table.

"So what about you, what have I missed from your life?" I wish I had something excited to tell her, but my life has been pretty uneventful.

"I was in Iraq for a year, had some scary moments but nothing too major. I came back two weeks ago, so literally nothing besides that.

"Are you going to be deployed again anytime soon?" Shit. This isn't how I wanted to tell her, I mean it's not for a year this time, thank God, but still.

"Uh, yeah. But only for four months. I made sure it was after you graduated though. Even though we weren't speaking, I wasn't going to miss that for anything." She smiles and grabs my hand, but the moment is short lived when our food arrives. We eat in that comfortable silence I was talking about and I look at her and smile and she does the same.


	8. Quinns POV- Together

Before I knew it, we're back in Puck's car. We probably should have actually looked at the menu to kill time, or maybe eaten a bit slower. I don't know what Puck has planned or if he even has anything else planned, but I'm not ready for the night to end.

Puck pulls up to the ice cream shop; we've been here countless times, mostly when I was pregnant. He tells me to wait in the car, so I do and watch him out the window. I know what he's doing; he's getting the same thing we always get. Half vanilla peanut butter and half rocky road in a waffle cone cup with chocolate syrup and two spoons.

He brings it to the car and hands me my spoon. I always favor the rocky road side of the cup and he lets me eat most of it.

"I honestly didn't plan to come here, I just didn't want the night to end." He looks at me when he says it, and I notice the chocolate syrup on the top of his lip.

"You've got a little-" and I point at his lip. He tries to wipe it, but he fails so I lean in and kiss him, mostly because he said something sweet, but also because I wanted to. I realize it's so cliché and so corny but that's how Puck makes me feel. He's definitely shocked because he doesn't respond at first but after a few seconds his lips start moving and we're making out in the parking lot like two teenagers. I make sure to suck on his top lip before I pull away, because if I don't get the chocolate off, then the whole kiss would have been kinda pointless. I taste it, so I assume I got it off, and when I finally open my eyes I can see that I have succeeded. I mentally pat myself on the back. "Don't worry, I got it." I say against his lips before I sit back in my seat. He still looks stunned, which confuses me because this isn't new to us, but maybe he expected us to take this slow. Hell we had sex yesterday, how much less slow can we get.

"Wow" I chuckle, but also blush because it's awesome that kissing each other never gets old. I'll never get used to kissing Puck; it gets better every time.

We get to the front of my house and he cuts the engine and walks me to the door. Thank God this wasn't a real first date because this part of the night is usually the most awkward and most nerve-racking. "My mom's not home, do you want to come inside for a minute?" I open the door and wait for his answer, though I don't believe he'll decline.

He follows me inside and I grab his hand and lead him to my living room. I sit down on the couch and he sits next to me. I just want to clarify what is going on between us, because a few days ago we weren't ready and things seem to have changed.

"So what happens now?"

"Well I was gonna go home, that's kinda all I had planned for the night."

"No. No, I mean with us." He shrugs and looks at me.

"I thought I already told you where I stood." Did he? I can't remember. All I remember is fighting with him and some kissing somewhere in between.

"I mean not really." I sit back against the couch and relax in front of his arm that is now around my shoulders.

"Okay, well then I'll put it as simply as I can this time. I want us to be together."

"How do you know we aren't going to screw it up again?" I know that I want to be with Puck, but it is still scary as hell.

"I don't know that we aren't. Hell, I know I will screw up a lot and you might too. But the difference this time, is that I'm not going to walk away from you, not again."

"And we'll be completely honest with each other, if we're mad or upset or unhappy. No more secrets."

"Good plan."

"And we have to take it slow"

"Okay now you lost me," I laugh, harder than anticipated.

"We have to keep things fresh. Start over, act as if this is the first time again."

"Okay, but we already kissed and fucked since we've been home..."

"Puck."

"Alright, alright." I stand up and walk him to the door. "So we're together?" I open the door and he walks out.

"Yes, we're together."

"So is kissing you good-night taking things too fast?" I tap my pointer finger on my lips, pretending to be thinking, when in actuality if he doesn't kiss me then I'll just kiss him"

"No, I don't think so." So he leans in and kisses me. We mold together, fitting against each other with absolute perfection, like a puzzle that's finally been pieced together. I love how strong his arms are around me. When I inhale I smell woodsy and leather with a hint of his hair gel. His scents. Right here in this moment, I feel like I've found a moment of forever. Like this is how we always should've been.

I feel really good about everything. This feels like our time to finally get things right. He texts me as soon as he's home:

Puck- My jacket now smells of your perfume, so thanks for that.

Quinn- Stop acting like you care, you know you love it.

Puck- U know me so well.

I'm in the kitchen getting a glass of water and my mom finally comes home from her late night out with her 'friends'.

"What'd you do tonight, honey?" She puts her bag down and sits at the kitchen table, taking off her heels and rubbing her feet.

"I went out with Puck actually." I take a sip of my water, I'm fearful of her reaction.

"Are you two an item again?" I'm hesitant to tell her. I'm not in the mood to feel judged, I'm too happy right now. But she's my mother so I tell her.

"Yes." I keep it short, hoping that will keep the conversation as short as possible.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, sweetie. You were a wreck last time you two were together. I thought you were finally over him."

"Twenty years could have passed and I still wouldn't be over him."

"Alright, if this is what you want then I can't stop you."

"He thinks you hate him, mom." She stands up, heels in her hand.

"Well let's see, he knocked my virgin daughter up at sixteen, which caused your father and I to fight and split up. Then he breaks your heart several times, I mean can you blame me for being a bit harsh with the boy?" I shrug because I guess she's right. She's my mother and she's just trying to protect me. I just wish she could see the good in Puck, how he is so much more than all of those things. He treats me well and accepts me for who I am.

"Mom, give him a chance. He's a really great guy, you just haven't tried to get to know him." My mom is the only real family I have. My sister never comes home, I mean never and my dad hasn't spoken to me since high school. Her approval means everything to me.

"I'll try, Quinnie." Then she goes upstairs.


End file.
